dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
we made out on top of his cat.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
