I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
