i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
