You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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