i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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