I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
