I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
