i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I think I have vodka in my lungs
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize
