You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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