I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
