So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
