thus making me awesome and them whores
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
