If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
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