does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
