My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Randomize
