that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
