Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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