I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
