He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
