i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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