Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
