I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
