Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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