Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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