Kiss
Puke
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
