in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
