She announced her abortion via fbk
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
