I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize