so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
