So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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