i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
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She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
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Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
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