Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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