I feel great
I just peed on a car
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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