ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
She's the barista slut.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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