I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
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