she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
