I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
