..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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