was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize