I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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