ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
