spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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