Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
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It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
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also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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