He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
