he shaved USA in his pubs
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
