just come out here and I will go home with you...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
