so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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