so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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