I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
