she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Randomize
