I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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