somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
