If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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