I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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