I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
