I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
