The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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