i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
