Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
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i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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