My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Randomize
