so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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