Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
