just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
