Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
