Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
