I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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