Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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